WELCOME LILY!

I have found it again! that deeeep love, and joy that certain artists provide for me. AND i found it in LILY ALLEN! .. yes! i may be a bit late, but i am TOTALLY head over heels. The last time I felt this way was over John Mayer, and he still holds 85% of my heart. I have to make more room for this new chick because every single note, every single word has me SPRUNG. (yes i am extremely dramatic). I just love love love her! && i owe it alll to Pandora! ... i've always been aware of the musical genius of Pandora, and would appreciate listening then attending to my I-Pod. I thought listening to artists on Pandora then transferring them onto the Pod kind of takes away from the mysterious pleasures that Pandora offers. FUCK THAT. I heard Lily Allens music while laying on the beach and immediately stored it in my brain to plug her into my life. AND she fits so well :)

... If you don't know much about her.

Download.
I COULD SAY
FUCK YOU VERY MUCH
HIM

...lets start off in three's to see just how much you dig her.

HOTT HOTT HOTT!

WELCOME LILY! i'm anticipating this crazy obsession that I am almost certain will encounter.

here we go again.

I remember blogging this a while back about the past knocking on your present door. ..
blah blah blah.

well, here i am..minding my own business and once again 2 knocks on the door. The first one was acceptable because we had established some sort of friendship post relationship, but the second knock caught me in for a whirlwind. It came from someone who ever since I was a little girl have grew to really love. Someone who's been in my life for so long and has yet been gone for so long also. I opened the door (my fault) and everything we had ever wanted to say to each other poured out. We admitted to wanting each other so bad, but due to his living it up player boy *saggitarius* ways, and me not wanting to be in the category with his *other* girls, had us going around and around for YEARS! literally YEARS!
..the kids we were have grown into different people. He lives elsewhere with a girlfriend of 2 years, and i'm focusing on me, and doing me. How in the HELL did the universe bring this back around! After all the flirting, catching up and laughter led to the questions which made us realize that we have "unfinished" business. The boy even invited me to come out to visit and to stay with him and HIS GIRL, (guest room) and said that she doesnt have to know our history and that we will always be great friends, and she is willing to understand that.followed by innappropriate comments that committed men don't say..--- YEA riight -- what SANE girl will allow that, and how SANE am I to ever consider that lol.

The 2 hr long conversation escalated and everything we onced adored about each other was acknowledged and he stated " i love the person you have grown to be nikki." .. I felt the same. Knowing I should have cut it off, right then and there I entertained the past MORE, and got hit with the " what If i wanted us back" question. ... i literally froze as OF COURSE any girl who ever adored someone so deeply secretly awaits for the day when they FINALLY come to their senses; but as happy i was ...ANGER hit me more. How dare he wait THIS LONG? Understandable he went through a renewal process and for that I am happy, because if you only knew the wild guy he was!. I'm ANGRY at the fact that he has a new life as do I and he makes me second think EVERYTHING in one second! ...like i said, we have unfinished business, and a chemistry that has yet to officially DIE but why now?? why after a year or so has this been brought back in my face and forced to confront. Why do I get the same feeling about him as I did when I was younger? ...

I clearly know that I can't allow myself to go through the "story of us " part 2, because part 1 was sooo long, but what if i turned my back on someone who was perfect for me, but had to make themselves perfect for themselves first. Isn't it okay to be selfish. (slaps self). as i told him, time has changed the people we were, for the better. I like the way my life is going and whatever is supposed to happen I will let happen, as long as it contributes to the amazing woman I am today.

Signed
-confusedgirl.

seasons.

As we all know, summertime is the most justified time of the year for people to act up ! relationships take a turn onto "fucked up" ave, and broken hearts sleep alone. I wonder how the most joyous time of the year can turn into the most "heated" time. Maybe the seasons reflect relationships. In the fall time and even spring, everything blossoms. Things are new and fresh and actually enjoyable. The entire atmosphere of this season is positive and refreshing. As time passes, the leaves fall, trees get brittle, and everything looks dry. Then comes good ol summer time. A season of beauty. You never notice how beautiful the world is until those summer nights gazing off into space with the calming touch of a breeze. It's all so different, in fact... it's a feeling that you miss throughout the year. See the connection. Maybe relationships are just as fair weather as seasons. They blossom, gradually die, then you're off to looking for something new; trying to get that feeling back; ...

9-5 !!!

Starting my internship with Life&Style, InTouch Weekly, J-14 and Twist..i must say this is a blessing. I am one of two interns here, and the daily routines are rather simple. They provided me a breakdown of things to do each day (that I seem to finish in 30 minutes tops), and then have the responsibility to browse through different blog sites and gossip sites looking for our mentions!
Reading directly off of the paper by the end of my internship I should be able to:
learn how to use TVeyes to pull broadcast clips
w-write at least one issue release for InTouch Weekly and Life&Style Weekly
- Assist at a magazine event
- attend a beauty/fashion segment for one of the magazines
- sit in on at least 2 PR/editorial meetings
- learn how to write pitches for print and online stories
-pitch stories to the local media
-celebrity magazine round ups...
as well as work on an overall PR project (which I've done many times in my previous PR courses)

i am amazed by the people around me. They talk just like me, and that attracts me to this job even more. I work in the area with the editors, and publishers, so it's really casual and down to earth. I mean, jean attire down to earth. They're fashionable, and overall gorgeous people!

sooooo, my only liddle iddle widdle issue is this 9-6 movement! it's all fun and games when you have constant assignments, but the pauses in between I despise. I know in the real world their will probably always be something for me to do, but speaking to other people, this cubicle life can get pretty gruesome. noooooo!
Sitting behind a desk and computer and tv for 9 hrs straight is STRAIGHT torture to one! what genius created the idea of cubicles, and did he follow up his creation with a manual on how to keep your sanity and brain functioning throughout the day?

Nevertheless this is a great opportunity and I have already declared that I will work here. Just someone tell me how can one get accustomed to cubicles !!!!!????

BAD vs GOOD.

Why do the good feelings never last? They can occur and be the most intense feeling, then disappear in a heartbeat. When things go bad, do you immediately ignore all the good feelings?
As women, we do tend to do that a lot. We consume ourselves with the disappointment of bad things happening that we tend to overlook what was good. Applies in relationships, work experience, school experience and friendships. It can take one bad incident to make you contemplate giving it all up. Have we become so accustomed in knowing the results of bad that when the bad hits us, we run, or we try rearranging ourselves in some aspect. We forget that bad things contribute to growth. Maybe if we are to stick around longer during a bad situation to really analyze, observe and take in everything, we can become better people. Perhaps, giving up too soon is why we often find ourselves in the same situation twice, or more. It's not that we are dumb or naive, but simply because we haven't retained enough information from our bad situation to scare us from doing it again. Maybe that's it, or maybe I have caused you a headache. lol.

summer nights!

theree is no place on EARTH like NEW YORK CITY!!!! i had the most amazing night with my bestfriend and it made me realize how much i love new york and this age! We attended a hotel rooftop shindig in the meat packing district. A completely random trip we decided to take at 12am. it was a mixture of rich white europeans and americans; amazingly fun. I felt so sexy, sophisticated as we sipped our cosmos on the patio of this rooftop. I socialized with white men, and even made a billionaire friend. This man is the definition of charming, as he wooed us with conversation, buying unlimited drinks and then when walking with us to get food at 4am bought us 45 dollar flowers. He was gorgeous, and I was in love! lol. It put so many things in perspective for me, as this 25 year old man and I really hit it off. He is Jamaican and We learned that his father owns all of the sandals hotels as well as all of the burger kings and KFC joints on the island. Rich is an understatment, but yet I wasn't wooed by that. He told us that he isn't the social type because girls usually throw themselves at him or paparazzi is everywhere or people ask for things. Being the fun, warm, and charming jersey girls we are, we formed a deep chemistry with this guy, and made plans on showing him the real new york! soo exciting :)

Ultimately he showed us the way a woman should be treated. When crossing the streets he was attentive, opened the doors for us, and treated us like ladies. He was fun, refreshing , and I felt bad that as interested as I was in him and he was in me, he could see the excitment in my eyes when texting another guy. It's weird. As much as I am single, I realized that I am becoming crazy about this boy that I'm talking to. We teach each other so many interesting things, and I'm just overall fascinated by him. Oh, I continue to date and open my horizons to other people because I am too afraid to put all my eggs in one basket. Unfortunately, even my bestfriend was freaked out by this nikki who is responding to this boys every command. lol. it's that early stage bliss. It's beautiful, and I want to hold on to it. Yea, we have already had our spats and fallouts but its all so innocent still. He's trying, I'm trying and I finally feel that with him. It's becoming comfortable, yet not too comfortable. I'm excited....Ultimately, I'm loving these summer moments; and nights. It's a dream come true so far.

No place like home.

" Welcome to Jersey " has to be the most comforting signs I have ever read!
I LOVE HOME && honestly, It's the most real I can feel. Living in VA, i go through so many different emotions. I block people out, I get mentally bored and tired, and then when I come home it's like my light shines again! its something that is eternal, and never fades. I've missed my family, friends, my associates, my New York, the people that make me laugh the most. The ones who know me and I can feel 100% myself with. I love that feeling !

I am so grateful to have the experience of being able to go to school out of state, because when I come home, it makes me appreciate where I'm from so much greater. I missed culture, diversity. I lack that in VA, and home is where my reality lies.