Tuesday, December 21, 2010

New Years Revolution

I have thought long and hard and came to what i want my new years revolution to be....


although it will be extremely hard, my goal is to stop dating for awhile.
It's crazy because I do my best in school when i'm talking to someone, but for my last semester in college, I want to transition myself into finding a job and doing me. I'm extremely sick of the relationship drama, and I realize I can't fully dedicate myself to someone when I need to focus on getting my post school life together. Similar to a man, I too feel that I need to have all my dots in order to be something to someone. I know who I am personally, but now i want to explore finding myself in a business aspect. I'm ready to challenge myself and be amazing in my career, and I want to achieve that first and foremost. Too many friends I know are falling in love and accomodating their lives after college for their loved ones, and I can't imagine. I am 21 years old,;;no way would I entertain the "lets move in after college" idea. We have soo much to explore!! so many opportunities, and more and more I realize..... love will come. Maybe it won't actually, but the real beauty in life comes from the love of yourself. I tell people all the time, " you may never find someone," and most women can't deal with that reality. It CRUSHES them. Yes, we all want the happy ending, the kissy face convos. Once upon a time I had that, and it was amazingggg! but it ends, and at the end of the day, you truly just have yourself. Can you enjoy you if "he" doesnt come along? ... I want to go places. I'm 21, and my path starts now... anyone who trails along can enjoy the ride with but I'M NOT DATING YOU !!!!!!!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Lets play "nice"

dear blog,

so these past 2 weeks have been complete bliss! my last college homecoming was a BANG and i truly enjoyed those who were present during those two weeks!....from the past 5 days i have been challenged with a guy staying in my apt. YES! laying on my couch, eating up my food, and basically portraying that of a "couch potatoe/moocher". nevertheless it made me realize that its hard taking care of a man. There is a LOT of communication involved and if you DONT speak up, then u watch your life go into flames lol ( a bit dramatic but still)

i've slept for days at guys houses before, but living with them is a whole different genre. its easy to witness a mess, keep ur side eyed judgmental comments to urself and go home to your own space. I swallowed a lot the past 5 days. I've always been the type to make sure someone else is accomodated before myself, and that comes with a good and bad cost factor. The good is, i know that doing the right thing and TRYING to keep a positive attitude is morally right, but the bad is that it can eat you up WHOLE until your TRUE feelings are released. sooooo, i blew up. YUP i let him have it...in the uhm, most direct way a person can put it. even made him cry, which was NOT my intentions. Thats the thing, with me, it has to be said in bits or it all comes out in one breath. How do you attack someone mid teeth brushing? smh. But frankly, it felt good. almost a release of endorphins type feel. *SIGH*....

i love being nice and good to people despite their own motives, and the fear of taking advantage of. I always say that when someone takes advantage of you that is THEIR problem, not yours and ironically, the universe always makes those people feel it later.

I won't alter who I am in fear of getting hurt. its part of life, and quite honestly the pain for me never lasts too long.

AH well, he's out...the room is silenced again and I can now get my life back in order!

Signed

Seasonal blogger

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

AU REVOIR I'ETE!

goooodbye summer!
it was love! absolutely.
full of passion, highs, lows, happiness, sadness, excitment and all that follows.
A blessing you were.
i've lived it up and i'm ready to bring that summer energy on down.
Now is the time to fight.


Theres so much that I will miss, as this is the grand finale.
The last season to really be somewhat of a kid.
I'm interested to see all that changes post graduation.
Who will still be around; who will fade with seasons.
...im just observing and living

Saturday, August 28, 2010

it's getting harder and harder to face the fact.....that all i want is him.

HARD.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Inspirational kick.

Last night after I worked almost a 10 hour shift, with no urge to go out, I really just wanted to read a book. I wanted to feel inspired again!, lol. so i went to barnes and nobles. I had my ipod and browsed different inspirational, career regarding books. The first book I skimmed through was called " Think Confident, Be Confident", and it dealt with self doubt. The book elaborated on being able to tell the difference between self doubt and realistic concerns. It was intriguing!

I learned that self doubt is what inhibts you from moving ahead. Its the very thing that controls our emotions,behavior, and how we feel. It provides the very thought in your head that you can't do it, and you aren't capable, or inept, even when you have PROVEN to be. DOUBT are false thoughts! they are not accurate and at the same time make you your own enemy. Realistic concerns is more like a warning alarm that goes off in your head dealing with more realistic things that you may not be qualified or prepared to do. For example; You have taken ice skating lessons, and now think that you are qualified to ski. Something tells you that you may not be able to just approach the slopes and do it off hand. That little signal sends a realistic message that you are not prepared nor skilled to just plunge the slopes. Maybe at first it may require training. .....thats an example of realistic concerns. Self doubt tells you that you are not prepared for what's to come, which stops a lot of people from being successful.

Think about the experiences you have done, the people who have praised your character and your work, the opportunities and good things that have come, and write them down. They are seriously your protection against doubt for the simple fact that whenever you begin to doubt yourself, future, relationships, anything,... you can look back on it and know that you are MORE than prepared and ready for what is in store.

Reading that was truly eye opening, and it helped me to be more aware of self doubt and taught me that it can be turned off. Thats the thing about doubt; we can control it; it's kind of the evil within us. It's false, and its our enemy that can many times defeat us. Everyday, by being good, doing good, and working hard we are proving to ourself more and more just how amazing we are. We can't let the enemy of doubt take away all that we have worked soo hard to prove not only to ourselves, but to others.


I hope this has inspired you as much it has me.

check out the book .... "Think Confident. Be Confident"

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

What the future holds

this morning i woke up with a fulll blown headache. For the first time, i had deep rooted worries! ...my worries stem from the unknown. Not being able to visually engage in what my future will hold. Yes, we are promised things, we work hard for things, and our determination is there but how far can that take us!

I'm scared. I know GOD has my back, and perhaps I need to lean on him a little more than I have been recently. I've been in the mindset of leaning too much on me, and one person can't hold all the worries and stress. It will kill me! So today as i exfoliated (lol) and took a deep breathe i decided to put a lot in GOD's hands. I started the early process of getting myself acquainted with certain PR firms, tweeking my resume, and networking my butt off with amazing connects! As much as I am taking in, and completely knowing of my capabilities the streak of fear still vibrates throughout my insides! ...i truly believe that our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate but that we are powerful beyond measure. I know that is my deepest fear. Sometimes i get soo scared of being amazing (as crazy as that sounds), and most times i want to fight it. It's no surprise that every job I've ever had I have left an imprint and have been acknowledged for my hard work and character, but something deep inside of me is so fearful! I hate the unknown. Although it can be exciting, it can also be one of the most scariest things ever. Right now, i'm experiencing scary, but as i always say...emotions never last, and the excitment that I know i deserve and long for will come once everything works itself out.

I'm remaining prayerful, hopeful, and learning to lean on the Lord more. I never believed in using GOD as a crutch. He does for those who do for themselves, but I am taking action in trying to remain calm

Monday, July 19, 2010

Too Friendly?

As usual, another GREAT weekend

but this weekend went down a different road that doesnt usually occur too often! ...arguments and stored feelings were released amongst my friends. It was like a friendship battle war and all the thoughts and emotions one had for each other were relinquished onto the other. it was crazy.

Of course i'm ALWAYS the good guy :) , so i watched for two days my friends attack and yell as i sit in the back staring out the window. some arguments are just not mines to jump into. When i introduce my friends to each when do the lines of friendship become too friendly tho? Should your two friends be allowed to hook up? Should they be able to invite YOUR friend to something w/o running it by you? ...alot of mixing has been happening which i'm cool with, but a lot has gone up in flames because of it..and that's when the problem arises. lol. UGH. basically, i HATE being the middle man. :(

Thursday, July 15, 2010

ME.

Today i commend myself ONCE AGAIN on my bold and braveness and unwillingness to settle. I ended it with a person who was once my comfort zone. In a blatant and very direct way, i said " i NEED you to just leave me alone for awhile." ...hearing me say those words nearly shocked me, but then again when it comes to standing up for what I believe in, i've always been very courageous. When i explained to my friend the situation, she responded with " wow. i'm shock at your boldness. I never seen a female stand up for herself like you did. Usually females ignore, but you expressed to him and told him its over. Thats amazing"....immediately the first thing that crossed my mind is, are women really this weak? has she really NEVER seen a woman stand up for herself when it comes to relationships, and if so., does that say much about us?.
smh. whatever, i know me, and i know that this was a HUGE chip off the shoulder.
Settling has never been my style, and I sweep those who enforce me to, right under the rug; Tho it may take time. All in all i'm glad i know my worth and what i deserve. Many girls do not.

So back to living for me! &&&& kissing frogs! lol.

Be YOU! do YOU! ...at the end of the day, we are all we have anyways :)

Monday, July 12, 2010

Waiting

Seriously, playing house with some guy can get tiresome! but when?
How long do we have to ACT as if we are in a relationship without the words " I am committed to you." It's truly troublesome to me, and i guess i'm clearly the pawn in this game. I want the commitment!. How long can you be crazy about a person until you eventually turn just plain crazy! ...i feel like i'm SCREAMING and wanting him to hear me, but my voice won't elevate! I'm waiting for enough to be enough, I'm waiting for things to go SO BAD that leaving was amongst the BEST decision ever, I'm waiting for the kisses to go out of style, for the friendship to get boring, for the excitment to get dull, the laughter to become cries, the cuddling to become seperations, the quality time to turn into FUMING arguments, the date nights to lack sparks, the sillyness to transform into seriousness, and for the BULLSHIT to become a bit more vivid. I want to feel how I am supposed to, and not how I want to!

Monday, July 5, 2010

Fireworks.

HAPPY JULY 4TH ALL!!!!!!

my july 4th weekend has been one of the best weekends EVER! breathtaking && perfect. I spent it with good friends, new friends, old friends, and people that i really love! it was exciting.!! its funny because i had been goin through a funk earlier about certain situations with people, but it felt like GODs mission was to give me the best weekend ever, and he did!

From cookouts, to clubs, to random adventures to hoboken and drives throughout the Jersey && NY state, my smile had been the most genuine in weeks. lol.
it felt reallly good ! && ive never encountered "haters" until this weekend. pretty interesting, those creatures. lol.

Hope you all had just as beautiful as a weekend as i :)

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

do you miss me?

I literally HATE that question. Do you ever feel forced to say you miss someone when you don't. I suffer with that. truthfully very seldomly do i miss people! lol. i didn't even cry at my HS graduation. Yes, you build memories but I let it go. It came, It was fun, its gone. NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that's a trait in me that I get from my mom, along with many other traits. We are the exact same in a social aspect. Honestly, i've grown not to be so much of a people person anymore. People are assholes. People don't care. And the sooner most people realize that, the quicker I can stop hearing stories and tears of friends who got fucked over. I laugh at the fact that I tell people not to have expectations of me, because i will FAIL them. lmao. its so true! sometimes i feel this is an ugly streak that I have about me, but if people realized how much i sincerely don't care to prove to be funny, social, or anything THE BETTER. i'm so much of an individual that it often freaks me the hell out. Is it bad that I'm almost EMOTIONLESS when it comes to missing people and GIRL friendships? no literally, the worst scene for me is "girls night" ... AHH!!! i don't even know what the FUCK i can talk to a group of bitches about for multiple hours. I've discovered that I have A.D.D...(intense) & i get bored VERY EASILY!! people bore me, so i get over them without feeling ANYTHING!

i'm probably the most loyal, warm hearted friend you can find, but sadly, i can live without you. Whats odd is that, I have grown into this person. I used to be the most people person you can ever meet; class clown in fact. (still semi am) ,,but i've learned to do things when I WANT to and not because someone else wants me to. I don't go out to be cute and prance around boys. in fact..., i HATE being hollered at by boys. it's far from ideal for me. i'm just not that girl!!!!!!!

i guess the fact is... i don't care about unknown people. a GENUINE feeling. maybe its because entering my years in college, so many people have fucked me over. OR maybe its just a growing up,,, growing different process.. whatever it is I'M NUMB to it, and think that's kind of scary. ... SHRINK!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Ex Files.

J-14 magazine asked for some "real girl" responses from the interns as to "how would your ex describe you?"
I was asked this question and realized I didn't know. You know how your ex felt about you but in 4 letter words what specific words would he use.

So boggled about this question, i sent my ex a message and simply asked him. Sure it was a bit awkward, but I thought it was a great question and realized that I TOO wanted the answers. Sometimes, its helpful to know the words that describe you in relationships; i.e. selfish,crazy, nice.....

my ex responded with a beautiful response, yet not the simple words i was looking for.

awaiting on response #2!

Makes you wonder, how do all the people you've ever talked to,...what words would they use to truly describe you. Ask someone !

Monday, June 14, 2010

thank you.

week 2 and my eventful encounter with unconsciousness is still a topic. UGH.
yes, i had a near death experience, yes I was in the hospital and yes i don't remember SHIT.

thank you bacardi.

All of that foolishness made me think why the hell do people abuse substances or even DO them. Do they really increase fun? or do they take away from the moments that you want to remember. Well, i can honestly say that I haven't given up on alcohol COMPLETELY but my drinking will opt for special situations.

There is still nothing like the feeling of being drunk. DRUNK not dead.!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Clarity.

When i woke up this morning, i felt extremely calm.
I realized for the first time in a while that I am blessed. Sometimes the recurrent struggles create a blind side and has you overlook the little blessings that come your way. This morning provided a since of "clarity".

With a new job that I am actually beginning to really like and an internship that I am in love with, a lot of minor bullshitness in my life have weed out. The thoughts that I used to have time for, and battled to get out of my head, no longer have space in my head as often as they once did :) THANK GOD!

Don't you love that? not having time to think about certain things or "people". It almost makes their very existence become NON. All the reminiscence is replaced with preparing for bridal showers, cleaning tables, setting tables, researching.. and quite frankly .., i love it!
DISTRACTIONS. In fact, I'm starting to feel they are the very means to remain sane, in which is the reason why everybody has one.

Summer 2010, you're a doll.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

dumb dumb.

there are some things that people just aren't good at, and for me its DIRECTIONS. it's knowing my north from my south. I have come to the conclusion that that is my handicap and currently in search of a tutor. I need someone who can logically break down my west from my east, north from my south. Yesterday I got lost for 2 hours driving home from work. I live 45 minutes away and yet it took me EVERY bit of 2 hrs and some change to get home. No GPS, No MAPS...just a paper of written directions that when messed up once, put me in the situation to "find my way"... FUCK!!

it's okay, i will admit that I am not SMART enough to travel too far without a GPS.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

WELCOME LILY!



I have found it again! that deeeep love, and joy that certain artists provide for me. AND i found it in LILY ALLEN! .. yes! i may be a bit late, but i am TOTALLY head over heels. The last time I felt this way was over John Mayer, and he still holds 85% of my heart. I have to make more room for this new chick because every single note, every single word has me SPRUNG. (yes i am extremely dramatic). I just love love love her! && i owe it alll to Pandora! ... i've always been aware of the musical genius of Pandora, and would appreciate listening then attending to my I-Pod. I thought listening to artists on Pandora then transferring them onto the Pod kind of takes away from the mysterious pleasures that Pandora offers. FUCK THAT. I heard Lily Allens music while laying on the beach and immediately stored it in my brain to plug her into my life. AND she fits so well :)

... If you don't know much about her.

Download.
I COULD SAY
FUCK YOU VERY MUCH
HIM

...lets start off in three's to see just how much you dig her.

HOTT HOTT HOTT!

WELCOME LILY! i'm anticipating this crazy obsession that I am almost certain will encounter.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

here we go again.

I remember blogging this a while back about the past knocking on your present door. ..
blah blah blah.

well, here i am..minding my own business and once again 2 knocks on the door. The first one was acceptable because we had established some sort of friendship post relationship, but the second knock caught me in for a whirlwind. It came from someone who ever since I was a little girl have grew to really love. Someone who's been in my life for so long and has yet been gone for so long also. I opened the door (my fault) and everything we had ever wanted to say to each other poured out. We admitted to wanting each other so bad, but due to his living it up player boy *saggitarius* ways, and me not wanting to be in the category with his *other* girls, had us going around and around for YEARS! literally YEARS!
..the kids we were have grown into different people. He lives elsewhere with a girlfriend of 2 years, and i'm focusing on me, and doing me. How in the HELL did the universe bring this back around! After all the flirting, catching up and laughter led to the questions which made us realize that we have "unfinished" business. The boy even invited me to come out to visit and to stay with him and HIS GIRL, (guest room) and said that she doesnt have to know our history and that we will always be great friends, and she is willing to understand that.followed by innappropriate comments that committed men don't say..--- YEA riight -- what SANE girl will allow that, and how SANE am I to ever consider that lol.

The 2 hr long conversation escalated and everything we onced adored about each other was acknowledged and he stated " i love the person you have grown to be nikki." .. I felt the same. Knowing I should have cut it off, right then and there I entertained the past MORE, and got hit with the " what If i wanted us back" question. ... i literally froze as OF COURSE any girl who ever adored someone so deeply secretly awaits for the day when they FINALLY come to their senses; but as happy i was ...ANGER hit me more. How dare he wait THIS LONG? Understandable he went through a renewal process and for that I am happy, because if you only knew the wild guy he was!. I'm ANGRY at the fact that he has a new life as do I and he makes me second think EVERYTHING in one second! ...like i said, we have unfinished business, and a chemistry that has yet to officially DIE but why now?? why after a year or so has this been brought back in my face and forced to confront. Why do I get the same feeling about him as I did when I was younger? ...

I clearly know that I can't allow myself to go through the "story of us " part 2, because part 1 was sooo long, but what if i turned my back on someone who was perfect for me, but had to make themselves perfect for themselves first. Isn't it okay to be selfish. (slaps self). as i told him, time has changed the people we were, for the better. I like the way my life is going and whatever is supposed to happen I will let happen, as long as it contributes to the amazing woman I am today.

Signed
-confusedgirl.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

seasons.

As we all know, summertime is the most justified time of the year for people to act up ! relationships take a turn onto "fucked up" ave, and broken hearts sleep alone. I wonder how the most joyous time of the year can turn into the most "heated" time. Maybe the seasons reflect relationships. In the fall time and even spring, everything blossoms. Things are new and fresh and actually enjoyable. The entire atmosphere of this season is positive and refreshing. As time passes, the leaves fall, trees get brittle, and everything looks dry. Then comes good ol summer time. A season of beauty. You never notice how beautiful the world is until those summer nights gazing off into space with the calming touch of a breeze. It's all so different, in fact... it's a feeling that you miss throughout the year. See the connection. Maybe relationships are just as fair weather as seasons. They blossom, gradually die, then you're off to looking for something new; trying to get that feeling back; ...

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

9-5 !!!

Starting my internship with Life&Style, InTouch Weekly, J-14 and Twist..i must say this is a blessing. I am one of two interns here, and the daily routines are rather simple. They provided me a breakdown of things to do each day (that I seem to finish in 30 minutes tops), and then have the responsibility to browse through different blog sites and gossip sites looking for our mentions!
Reading directly off of the paper by the end of my internship I should be able to:
learn how to use TVeyes to pull broadcast clips
w-write at least one issue release for InTouch Weekly and Life&Style Weekly
- Assist at a magazine event
- attend a beauty/fashion segment for one of the magazines
- sit in on at least 2 PR/editorial meetings
- learn how to write pitches for print and online stories
-pitch stories to the local media
-celebrity magazine round ups...
as well as work on an overall PR project (which I've done many times in my previous PR courses)

i am amazed by the people around me. They talk just like me, and that attracts me to this job even more. I work in the area with the editors, and publishers, so it's really casual and down to earth. I mean, jean attire down to earth. They're fashionable, and overall gorgeous people!

sooooo, my only liddle iddle widdle issue is this 9-6 movement! it's all fun and games when you have constant assignments, but the pauses in between I despise. I know in the real world their will probably always be something for me to do, but speaking to other people, this cubicle life can get pretty gruesome. noooooo!
Sitting behind a desk and computer and tv for 9 hrs straight is STRAIGHT torture to one! what genius created the idea of cubicles, and did he follow up his creation with a manual on how to keep your sanity and brain functioning throughout the day?

Nevertheless this is a great opportunity and I have already declared that I will work here. Just someone tell me how can one get accustomed to cubicles !!!!!????

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

BAD vs GOOD.

Why do the good feelings never last? They can occur and be the most intense feeling, then disappear in a heartbeat. When things go bad, do you immediately ignore all the good feelings?
As women, we do tend to do that a lot. We consume ourselves with the disappointment of bad things happening that we tend to overlook what was good. Applies in relationships, work experience, school experience and friendships. It can take one bad incident to make you contemplate giving it all up. Have we become so accustomed in knowing the results of bad that when the bad hits us, we run, or we try rearranging ourselves in some aspect. We forget that bad things contribute to growth. Maybe if we are to stick around longer during a bad situation to really analyze, observe and take in everything, we can become better people. Perhaps, giving up too soon is why we often find ourselves in the same situation twice, or more. It's not that we are dumb or naive, but simply because we haven't retained enough information from our bad situation to scare us from doing it again. Maybe that's it, or maybe I have caused you a headache. lol.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

summer nights!

theree is no place on EARTH like NEW YORK CITY!!!! i had the most amazing night with my bestfriend and it made me realize how much i love new york and this age! We attended a hotel rooftop shindig in the meat packing district. A completely random trip we decided to take at 12am. it was a mixture of rich white europeans and americans; amazingly fun. I felt so sexy, sophisticated as we sipped our cosmos on the patio of this rooftop. I socialized with white men, and even made a billionaire friend. This man is the definition of charming, as he wooed us with conversation, buying unlimited drinks and then when walking with us to get food at 4am bought us 45 dollar flowers. He was gorgeous, and I was in love! lol. It put so many things in perspective for me, as this 25 year old man and I really hit it off. He is Jamaican and We learned that his father owns all of the sandals hotels as well as all of the burger kings and KFC joints on the island. Rich is an understatment, but yet I wasn't wooed by that. He told us that he isn't the social type because girls usually throw themselves at him or paparazzi is everywhere or people ask for things. Being the fun, warm, and charming jersey girls we are, we formed a deep chemistry with this guy, and made plans on showing him the real new york! soo exciting :)

Ultimately he showed us the way a woman should be treated. When crossing the streets he was attentive, opened the doors for us, and treated us like ladies. He was fun, refreshing , and I felt bad that as interested as I was in him and he was in me, he could see the excitment in my eyes when texting another guy. It's weird. As much as I am single, I realized that I am becoming crazy about this boy that I'm talking to. We teach each other so many interesting things, and I'm just overall fascinated by him. Oh, I continue to date and open my horizons to other people because I am too afraid to put all my eggs in one basket. Unfortunately, even my bestfriend was freaked out by this nikki who is responding to this boys every command. lol. it's that early stage bliss. It's beautiful, and I want to hold on to it. Yea, we have already had our spats and fallouts but its all so innocent still. He's trying, I'm trying and I finally feel that with him. It's becoming comfortable, yet not too comfortable. I'm excited....Ultimately, I'm loving these summer moments; and nights. It's a dream come true so far.

Friday, May 7, 2010

No place like home.

" Welcome to Jersey " has to be the most comforting signs I have ever read!
I LOVE HOME && honestly, It's the most real I can feel. Living in VA, i go through so many different emotions. I block people out, I get mentally bored and tired, and then when I come home it's like my light shines again! its something that is eternal, and never fades. I've missed my family, friends, my associates, my New York, the people that make me laugh the most. The ones who know me and I can feel 100% myself with. I love that feeling !

I am so grateful to have the experience of being able to go to school out of state, because when I come home, it makes me appreciate where I'm from so much greater. I missed culture, diversity. I lack that in VA, and home is where my reality lies.

Friday, April 23, 2010

I WANT ALL THE ANSWERS!!!

OMGOSH do you ever just want to have ALL the ANSWERS!! like does your mind ever go a thousand miles per minute and you wish you had an answer for everything you think. But shouldn't you be able to have all the answers about YOURSELF. omgosh how frustrating! Like if i think " why the hell do I do this? or feel like this?" and you can't even answer your own QUESTION about YOURSELF, how aggy! lol. very random yet very annoying! even when teachers talk about something and I don't know what it is, I immediately go home and google it. Why? I'm obsessed with having all the answers and one day I truly hope to attain every answer to every question or feeling that comes within my space. Maybe this is a little unrealistic, but in a world full of reality, who can label the real from the unreal! ...i WILL have all the ANSWERS!!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Fall For your type


" Can i, can i, save you from you.
Cuz you know that somethings different
and that champagne you've been sippin,
aint suppose to make you different over time.
It's starting to feel, like its the wrong thing to do girl,
cus with all that recognition makes it hard for you to listen to the the things that Ima say to make you mine
" -

-Drake

Now if we rewind to my early blog days when I did my mini feature on Drake, and fast forward to now, I'm still as into him as ever. Today me and my friend were sitting in the car talking about relationships (typical) and replayed this song at least 10 times. Although it is a teasing 2 minute track, this first verse was so powerful. Listening to my friend talk about her relationship and the connection to this song, made us open our eyes to what Drake was saying. Like so many of us, we meet people with potential to be that person we want hem to be. Despite all the qualities that intially attracted us to that person, it's so often that their flaws stand out greater. And we attempt to make it our priority to fix them. Drake's line " with all that recognition makes it hard for you to listen to the things that Ima say to make you mine" was a REAL ass verse. (pardon).

Breakdown: Usually we get acknowledged or recognized for certain qualities about us that stand out to people. whether it's that you are funny, an honest person, silly, egotistical,...(you get where I'm going) , and all of that may be cool to your friends and outsiders, but stepping into a relationship front, there are things that you may need to compromise. I was taken back that Drake got that deep into the song, and brought that to our attention. If people praise certain qualities about you, those same qualities may not be all 100% in a relationship aspect. So when do you compromise? When do you realize that changing them doesn't always change IT? ....

idk just a thought. but GO DRAKE!!!!!!!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Summer, hurry !

This summer I am anticipating on being simply AMAZING!! with someone new to play with (hehe), a new internship, and already the parties and cookouts lined up...i'm just soo excited to get away from this repetitive environment. It's to the point that I refuse to step outside my room unless I am doing something extrodinary....so usually that doesnt happen and i'm to myself. WHICH I DON'T MIND! some people just can't be to themselves, but I love it!! i love my "to me time". even if its reading weird things on the computer, magazines, shows, facials, or nails...i'm never bored with myself :)
Anyways back to summer 2010. i await youuuu. I'm really into this one person who I feel will help make this summer amazing. After two years of really not paying dudes too much mind, I actually get butterflies with this one. lol

I think this is the season to find someone. I'm beginning to notice a lot of friendships becoming dependent on one another and that is the BIGGEST sign that it is time for a MAN. lol. sadly, i'm the kind of girl that once i'm with someone i may just disappear from my girls for a sec. ONLY FOR A SEC. their is honestly no feeling like being in a relationship. Unlike girls, a man can check you, be the only person to be 100% honest with you. Your girlfriend won't always.

So girls, if you start to see yourself be all about your friendships please it is GET A MAN SEASON! ....and its getting uglier and uglier. lol

Do you like the way you sound?

....Lately i've been becoming more and more annoyed with people who talk about themselves CONSTANTLY. i am seriously one to be proud of things my friends accomplish but when you are consumed with the words "me, me, me," I shut down. How can one be so selfish but to ask you about you. How you are doing? How's life? How's your relationship?....some friends just don't ask and yet I am suppose to hear you drown yourself in a conversation that is ALL ABOUT YOU.

...i know that I can posess a selfish attitude but talking about myself constantly is something that I just can't do. I even find myself not having words to say back to the people that do this. Usually i do not choose my blog to vent in regards to personal things but this is a MAJOR one. Selfishness doesn't have to circle around the fact that you are about you, but it can also be in the aspect that you talk about you.

...I'm so grateful that I am the kind of person who is genuinely interested in other peoples lives...until thats all i hear.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

HELLO 21 :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!

although i am a day off, i can't help but to share with you all my excitment about turning 21!!!!!!
Not so much for the events of a birthday but for the actual birthday itself!!! (okayy, maybe the events too) lol. I'm excited to be able to walk into a liquor store and come out with a bottle rather than the worry of coming out in cuffs from failed attempts; i'm excited to be WORRY FREE dealing with the fake I.D. situations, and most importantly i'm totally excited for the new age bracket. I'm referring to the check-off age group.., i'm officially welcomed to the 21-25 group! YAAAY!

So i'm pretty sure at this point in my life i am supposed to reevaluate things, but unfortunately/ i'm at a place right now that is 100% good. i love my friends, associates, family and overall life. What more can i ask for???

Maybe i'll think of some more in this TWENTY ONE stage !

Monday, March 22, 2010

lets talk about sex.

On VH1 today they aired a documentary called "New Virginity" which discussed sex in todays society and promoting abstinence until marriage. I have already begun to become interested in the "true love waits" movement, simply because I don't like how sex is being devalued, but after watching this documentary and having an in depth conversation with my friend, I am further more willing to explore this.

I don't know if most of you remember but Sex is supposed to be sacred; its having two bodies come together. What can be more sacred and intimate than that. It's as if we lost that view and just use sex to keep our mates satisfied, or to hurry and get it over with. Celebrities like Jessica Simpson, Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers and Jordin Sparks are a few names to have pledged their vow to save sex for marriage, and I can say that I am truly inspired.

DID YOU KNOW that the average length of time one waits before sex is TWO MONTHS. REALLLY! TWO MONTHS!!. how do we even fully know someone in TWO MONTHS? and then we invite them inside of us;(pardon the graphic statement). I strongly feel as though Sex is being used as a dependent, and is redundant to a drug. Think about it; Like a drug, sex provides temporary satisfaction. you can be sad, mad, aggravated, and the moment you have "good sex" that glow comes back. Alcohol and drugs provides that same satisfaction for some

...What do we honestly benefit from moving into sex in a relationship. Is it even considered the "next level?" ...

So quick breakdown; if we talk with someone for two months, then have sex, ..where does the rest of the relationship go? What follows the sex?....

I've watched so many friends start relationships with sex and end in nothing. As girls we are ALL about pleasing our mate; and face it, sex is more important to a man than female. It's as if we're just giving it up to keep it up; keep the relationship moving, when in fact...sex does NOT make the bond deeper. yes! it feels good, and on a good night it can make you strangely feel beyond connected to that person. BUT if a man + a woman + sex = relationship than we are DOOMED.

In todays society we are stripping away so much thats preventing us from prospering in having BEAUTIFUL relationships. When do we take time to learn that persons favorite color? favorite food? Favorite activity?....interests! ., those are the little things that uncover who that person is. Seriously maybe those are questions you're DIVORCED parents can't even answer about their EXES. With the high rate of divorce, and the rapid speed of sex, no wonder marriages aren't lasting. WE DON'T EVEN KNOW EACH OTHER. When you take the time to get to know someone's interests, dislikes, and practicing overall communication the little surprises that show up in marriages, should no longer be surprises. You should know the ins and outs of that person. ...but going back to this sex thing, its so rushed that we neglect EVERYTHING ELSE more IMPORTANT that matter.

Some people even base suitable marriage on whether the man or woman is good in bed.OH YEAAA!! Because at the end of the day, you don't want to be tied down to someone who is simply amazing, but has yet to prove to be amazing in bed yet, right?... WRONG!
In a society where most people are of Christian faith, most relationships don't even surpass a YEAR without sex, and has now trickled down to TWO MONTHS. I can't judge due to my own personal experiences, but the fact that I am becoming more aware of the value of sex, it's making me want to aware others! ... just something to think about.

So to you dear blog readers, I begin my commitment to value myself and join the "true love awaits" movement.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Convo Recap.

Recently i had a conversation with one of my good friends, Khalid, about women and men. It was such an enlightening topic that shed light on both of us.

His view; ( i suppose representing the overall males) is that women are such irrational beings. We act too much on our emotions and ultimately don't know what we want. Women are basically incapable of being rational, and we become so emotionally attached that it disables us from using our minds. Women force men to play a game and we constantly puts them through tests.

I laughed.

then digested this && unfortunately it is very true. We have our side too.
as a woman, yes we are irrational creatures. We love hard and sadly, easy. Men are so rational that they are incapable of matching our emotions, which is why we keep attempting to draw t out of them. The tests are to ensure us that this is a "wise investment" since at a drop of a dime women would give up everything for a man.


With all of this bickering back and fourth, we finally drew a conclusion. WE WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER. men and women have to reach a common ground where we can combine both the emotions of a female and rationality of a man to balance it out for the good. Will that ever happen? probably not, but it's a good method.
Why don't we ever try? What's the problem with men giving in a little more to their emotions, and women instead of wearing our hearts on our sleeve, perhaps carry it in our back pockets instead...hmmmm , just a thought!....

Sunday, January 17, 2010

[500] days of summer


FOUR words...I AM IN LOVE!!!

I just got finished watching 500 days of summer and it exuded the realest message that i have ever seen in a cheesy romance film. EVER! Now and again i watch movies that i fall head over heels for, and this was one of them.

Zooey Deschanel (who is the twin of Katy Perry...i'm convinced) and Joseph Gordon-Hewitt were remarkable (the weird boy from 10 things i hate about you) and just the ultimate SHIT! ...pardon my french.

All in all this movie was the opposite of a "fairytale" and strayed away from the predictable endings of many romance films. It sent the message that it is okay to believe in fairytales and "soulmates", but remember to open your eyes to whats around you. So often we fall in love, or believe that this person is the "one" for us, and fails to cross our mind that just "maybe" they don't want what we want. Sure you may have EVERYTHING in common, but one's fairytale may not be the other persons... Sometimes we like to reminisce on all the beautiful times we shared with that person and overlook the little things that could have given us the message that that person is just not the right one for us.

Ultimately 500 days of summer is pure amazement! and a MUST SEE! ....even tho i was turned on and off by the personality of zooey deschanel's character, i grew to appreciate her throughout the movie and it made it THAT much better!

beaaaaautiful beaaaaautiful romance movie! ....but only not so romantic!

Monday, January 4, 2010

U.N.I.T.Y.

I love this video!!! It was on Oprah and i fell in loveeee. i seen a similar one for the T-Mobile commercial which is also RIDIC!...

amazing how it all starts with ONE PERSON....



QUOTE OF THE DAY

" WHEN PEOPLE SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM"- maya angelou

Sunday, January 3, 2010

DEVIL.COM




SO! i must share with you sexy people that i have OFFICIALLY deleted my twitter! && i feel great!!!!!!
No longer do i feel the need to tweet my every thought and activity..i can truly just live my life now!! (pause for a relieved *sigh) Honestly i asked myself, what is the point of twitter? It's like a sick twisted drug that people need to get a hit off of knowing what other people are doing and thinking! How dare we become SO involved with another person's life instead of being full on in the one we're living. I realized that I would have to part my ways with twitter when I found myself having emotional breakdowns when twitter was down! lol My body was even rejecting my obsessed twitter lifestyle... most INTENSE migranes ever!! and it was only after I finished reading my timeline.

Enough was Enough!!!

In my opinion, Social networks are the devil! Seriously social networks are becoming more and more dependable on how other people view you. Why do we feel the need to constantly update our profile pic to appease society and await comments on how we look? Have we seriously become THAT involved in the opinion of others! Yes; I have a facebook and even a throw back Myspace, a "true hypocrite" I am. At least i am aware of my problem, and face it... WE HAVE A PROBLEM AMERICA!

Something that I find the UTMOST annoying with social networks is that they many times they don't even depict who the person truly is in person. I can't tell you how many times I've met someone who is soooo far from the person they portray themselves to be on " satan sites". OKAY OKAY! so maybe i'm being a [tad] dramatic calling these sites demonic names lol. I'm just over all the lies and illusions facebook and twitter provide... its aggy!


AND HELLLOOOO, Women!!, we become extremely insecure if someone doesn't like our new profile pic, or even if we post a pic of a boyfriend, we care if others think we look "cute together." How did the opinion of others take over our lives!ahh! It's truly depressing guys! Seriously, I run across a few women a "lifetime" that make me truly say "i admire her"...(aside from my mother).those women are the ones who can CARE LESS what people think of them, i.e. Lisa Bonet. I've always loved her free spirit. I remember watching an interview on her awhile back, and she said something that stuck with me. " I am who I want to be", and I thought, how many people can honestly say the same thing. even myself.

Think for a second:
Are you really the person that you want to be completely? and more importantly, " Who do you want to be?"

...

New Years 2010


first of all let me begin with saying HAPPY NEW YEARS!!! 2010 is a whole new decade that opens doors to new opportunities, new experiences, new lessons, and new lives. It's amazing thinking about all that you can attain going into a new year. At first I didn't understand people's mind state about new years and how they just want to change so much about themselves. I realized that people just want to better themselves, and a new year is like a breath of fresh air. I GET IT!! lol
Well going into a new year I must say, I will continue to stick to my beliefs and bring fourth a more positive attitude into the new year...i will continue to live for myself and nobody else!...new year can mean so much for so many people, but for me its a way to carry over some things into the present and let go of some aspects of my past. New years is like going to a new school. You can be whatever/whoever you want to be, a clean slate,,,and i will take FULL ADVANTAGE.

Supporters!