Inspirational kick.

Last night after I worked almost a 10 hour shift, with no urge to go out, I really just wanted to read a book. I wanted to feel inspired again!, lol. so i went to barnes and nobles. I had my ipod and browsed different inspirational, career regarding books. The first book I skimmed through was called " Think Confident, Be Confident", and it dealt with self doubt. The book elaborated on being able to tell the difference between self doubt and realistic concerns. It was intriguing!

I learned that self doubt is what inhibts you from moving ahead. Its the very thing that controls our emotions,behavior, and how we feel. It provides the very thought in your head that you can't do it, and you aren't capable, or inept, even when you have PROVEN to be. DOUBT are false thoughts! they are not accurate and at the same time make you your own enemy. Realistic concerns is more like a warning alarm that goes off in your head dealing with more realistic things that you may not be qualified or prepared to do. For example; You have taken ice skating lessons, and now think that you are qualified to ski. Something tells you that you may not be able to just approach the slopes and do it off hand. That little signal sends a realistic message that you are not prepared nor skilled to just plunge the slopes. Maybe at first it may require training. .....thats an example of realistic concerns. Self doubt tells you that you are not prepared for what's to come, which stops a lot of people from being successful.

Think about the experiences you have done, the people who have praised your character and your work, the opportunities and good things that have come, and write them down. They are seriously your protection against doubt for the simple fact that whenever you begin to doubt yourself, future, relationships, anything,... you can look back on it and know that you are MORE than prepared and ready for what is in store.

Reading that was truly eye opening, and it helped me to be more aware of self doubt and taught me that it can be turned off. Thats the thing about doubt; we can control it; it's kind of the evil within us. It's false, and its our enemy that can many times defeat us. Everyday, by being good, doing good, and working hard we are proving to ourself more and more just how amazing we are. We can't let the enemy of doubt take away all that we have worked soo hard to prove not only to ourselves, but to others.


I hope this has inspired you as much it has me.

check out the book .... "Think Confident. Be Confident"

What the future holds

this morning i woke up with a fulll blown headache. For the first time, i had deep rooted worries! ...my worries stem from the unknown. Not being able to visually engage in what my future will hold. Yes, we are promised things, we work hard for things, and our determination is there but how far can that take us!

I'm scared. I know GOD has my back, and perhaps I need to lean on him a little more than I have been recently. I've been in the mindset of leaning too much on me, and one person can't hold all the worries and stress. It will kill me! So today as i exfoliated (lol) and took a deep breathe i decided to put a lot in GOD's hands. I started the early process of getting myself acquainted with certain PR firms, tweeking my resume, and networking my butt off with amazing connects! As much as I am taking in, and completely knowing of my capabilities the streak of fear still vibrates throughout my insides! ...i truly believe that our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate but that we are powerful beyond measure. I know that is my deepest fear. Sometimes i get soo scared of being amazing (as crazy as that sounds), and most times i want to fight it. It's no surprise that every job I've ever had I have left an imprint and have been acknowledged for my hard work and character, but something deep inside of me is so fearful! I hate the unknown. Although it can be exciting, it can also be one of the most scariest things ever. Right now, i'm experiencing scary, but as i always say...emotions never last, and the excitment that I know i deserve and long for will come once everything works itself out.

I'm remaining prayerful, hopeful, and learning to lean on the Lord more. I never believed in using GOD as a crutch. He does for those who do for themselves, but I am taking action in trying to remain calm

Too Friendly?

As usual, another GREAT weekend

but this weekend went down a different road that doesnt usually occur too often! ...arguments and stored feelings were released amongst my friends. It was like a friendship battle war and all the thoughts and emotions one had for each other were relinquished onto the other. it was crazy.

Of course i'm ALWAYS the good guy :) , so i watched for two days my friends attack and yell as i sit in the back staring out the window. some arguments are just not mines to jump into. When i introduce my friends to each when do the lines of friendship become too friendly tho? Should your two friends be allowed to hook up? Should they be able to invite YOUR friend to something w/o running it by you? ...alot of mixing has been happening which i'm cool with, but a lot has gone up in flames because of it..and that's when the problem arises. lol. UGH. basically, i HATE being the middle man. :(

ME.

Today i commend myself ONCE AGAIN on my bold and braveness and unwillingness to settle. I ended it with a person who was once my comfort zone. In a blatant and very direct way, i said " i NEED you to just leave me alone for awhile." ...hearing me say those words nearly shocked me, but then again when it comes to standing up for what I believe in, i've always been very courageous. When i explained to my friend the situation, she responded with " wow. i'm shock at your boldness. I never seen a female stand up for herself like you did. Usually females ignore, but you expressed to him and told him its over. Thats amazing"....immediately the first thing that crossed my mind is, are women really this weak? has she really NEVER seen a woman stand up for herself when it comes to relationships, and if so., does that say much about us?.
smh. whatever, i know me, and i know that this was a HUGE chip off the shoulder.
Settling has never been my style, and I sweep those who enforce me to, right under the rug; Tho it may take time. All in all i'm glad i know my worth and what i deserve. Many girls do not.

So back to living for me! &&&& kissing frogs! lol.

Be YOU! do YOU! ...at the end of the day, we are all we have anyways :)

Waiting

Seriously, playing house with some guy can get tiresome! but when?
How long do we have to ACT as if we are in a relationship without the words " I am committed to you." It's truly troublesome to me, and i guess i'm clearly the pawn in this game. I want the commitment!. How long can you be crazy about a person until you eventually turn just plain crazy! ...i feel like i'm SCREAMING and wanting him to hear me, but my voice won't elevate! I'm waiting for enough to be enough, I'm waiting for things to go SO BAD that leaving was amongst the BEST decision ever, I'm waiting for the kisses to go out of style, for the friendship to get boring, for the excitment to get dull, the laughter to become cries, the cuddling to become seperations, the quality time to turn into FUMING arguments, the date nights to lack sparks, the sillyness to transform into seriousness, and for the BULLSHIT to become a bit more vivid. I want to feel how I am supposed to, and not how I want to!

Fireworks.

HAPPY JULY 4TH ALL!!!!!!

my july 4th weekend has been one of the best weekends EVER! breathtaking && perfect. I spent it with good friends, new friends, old friends, and people that i really love! it was exciting.!! its funny because i had been goin through a funk earlier about certain situations with people, but it felt like GODs mission was to give me the best weekend ever, and he did!

From cookouts, to clubs, to random adventures to hoboken and drives throughout the Jersey && NY state, my smile had been the most genuine in weeks. lol.
it felt reallly good ! && ive never encountered "haters" until this weekend. pretty interesting, those creatures. lol.

Hope you all had just as beautiful as a weekend as i :)

do you miss me?

I literally HATE that question. Do you ever feel forced to say you miss someone when you don't. I suffer with that. truthfully very seldomly do i miss people! lol. i didn't even cry at my HS graduation. Yes, you build memories but I let it go. It came, It was fun, its gone. NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that's a trait in me that I get from my mom, along with many other traits. We are the exact same in a social aspect. Honestly, i've grown not to be so much of a people person anymore. People are assholes. People don't care. And the sooner most people realize that, the quicker I can stop hearing stories and tears of friends who got fucked over. I laugh at the fact that I tell people not to have expectations of me, because i will FAIL them. lmao. its so true! sometimes i feel this is an ugly streak that I have about me, but if people realized how much i sincerely don't care to prove to be funny, social, or anything THE BETTER. i'm so much of an individual that it often freaks me the hell out. Is it bad that I'm almost EMOTIONLESS when it comes to missing people and GIRL friendships? no literally, the worst scene for me is "girls night" ... AHH!!! i don't even know what the FUCK i can talk to a group of bitches about for multiple hours. I've discovered that I have A.D.D...(intense) & i get bored VERY EASILY!! people bore me, so i get over them without feeling ANYTHING!

i'm probably the most loyal, warm hearted friend you can find, but sadly, i can live without you. Whats odd is that, I have grown into this person. I used to be the most people person you can ever meet; class clown in fact. (still semi am) ,,but i've learned to do things when I WANT to and not because someone else wants me to. I don't go out to be cute and prance around boys. in fact..., i HATE being hollered at by boys. it's far from ideal for me. i'm just not that girl!!!!!!!

i guess the fact is... i don't care about unknown people. a GENUINE feeling. maybe its because entering my years in college, so many people have fucked me over. OR maybe its just a growing up,,, growing different process.. whatever it is I'M NUMB to it, and think that's kind of scary. ... SHRINK!