New Years Revolution

I have thought long and hard and came to what i want my new years revolution to be....


although it will be extremely hard, my goal is to stop dating for awhile.
It's crazy because I do my best in school when i'm talking to someone, but for my last semester in college, I want to transition myself into finding a job and doing me. I'm extremely sick of the relationship drama, and I realize I can't fully dedicate myself to someone when I need to focus on getting my post school life together. Similar to a man, I too feel that I need to have all my dots in order to be something to someone. I know who I am personally, but now i want to explore finding myself in a business aspect. I'm ready to challenge myself and be amazing in my career, and I want to achieve that first and foremost. Too many friends I know are falling in love and accomodating their lives after college for their loved ones, and I can't imagine. I am 21 years old,;;no way would I entertain the "lets move in after college" idea. We have soo much to explore!! so many opportunities, and more and more I realize..... love will come. Maybe it won't actually, but the real beauty in life comes from the love of yourself. I tell people all the time, " you may never find someone," and most women can't deal with that reality. It CRUSHES them. Yes, we all want the happy ending, the kissy face convos. Once upon a time I had that, and it was amazingggg! but it ends, and at the end of the day, you truly just have yourself. Can you enjoy you if "he" doesnt come along? ... I want to go places. I'm 21, and my path starts now... anyone who trails along can enjoy the ride with but I'M NOT DATING YOU !!!!!!!

Lets play "nice"

dear blog,

so these past 2 weeks have been complete bliss! my last college homecoming was a BANG and i truly enjoyed those who were present during those two weeks!....from the past 5 days i have been challenged with a guy staying in my apt. YES! laying on my couch, eating up my food, and basically portraying that of a "couch potatoe/moocher". nevertheless it made me realize that its hard taking care of a man. There is a LOT of communication involved and if you DONT speak up, then u watch your life go into flames lol ( a bit dramatic but still)

i've slept for days at guys houses before, but living with them is a whole different genre. its easy to witness a mess, keep ur side eyed judgmental comments to urself and go home to your own space. I swallowed a lot the past 5 days. I've always been the type to make sure someone else is accomodated before myself, and that comes with a good and bad cost factor. The good is, i know that doing the right thing and TRYING to keep a positive attitude is morally right, but the bad is that it can eat you up WHOLE until your TRUE feelings are released. sooooo, i blew up. YUP i let him have it...in the uhm, most direct way a person can put it. even made him cry, which was NOT my intentions. Thats the thing, with me, it has to be said in bits or it all comes out in one breath. How do you attack someone mid teeth brushing? smh. But frankly, it felt good. almost a release of endorphins type feel. *SIGH*....

i love being nice and good to people despite their own motives, and the fear of taking advantage of. I always say that when someone takes advantage of you that is THEIR problem, not yours and ironically, the universe always makes those people feel it later.

I won't alter who I am in fear of getting hurt. its part of life, and quite honestly the pain for me never lasts too long.

AH well, he's out...the room is silenced again and I can now get my life back in order!

Signed

Seasonal blogger

AU REVOIR I'ETE!

goooodbye summer!
it was love! absolutely.
full of passion, highs, lows, happiness, sadness, excitment and all that follows.
A blessing you were.
i've lived it up and i'm ready to bring that summer energy on down.
Now is the time to fight.


Theres so much that I will miss, as this is the grand finale.
The last season to really be somewhat of a kid.
I'm interested to see all that changes post graduation.
Who will still be around; who will fade with seasons.
...im just observing and living

it's getting harder and harder to face the fact.....that all i want is him.

HARD.

Inspirational kick.

Last night after I worked almost a 10 hour shift, with no urge to go out, I really just wanted to read a book. I wanted to feel inspired again!, lol. so i went to barnes and nobles. I had my ipod and browsed different inspirational, career regarding books. The first book I skimmed through was called " Think Confident, Be Confident", and it dealt with self doubt. The book elaborated on being able to tell the difference between self doubt and realistic concerns. It was intriguing!

I learned that self doubt is what inhibts you from moving ahead. Its the very thing that controls our emotions,behavior, and how we feel. It provides the very thought in your head that you can't do it, and you aren't capable, or inept, even when you have PROVEN to be. DOUBT are false thoughts! they are not accurate and at the same time make you your own enemy. Realistic concerns is more like a warning alarm that goes off in your head dealing with more realistic things that you may not be qualified or prepared to do. For example; You have taken ice skating lessons, and now think that you are qualified to ski. Something tells you that you may not be able to just approach the slopes and do it off hand. That little signal sends a realistic message that you are not prepared nor skilled to just plunge the slopes. Maybe at first it may require training. .....thats an example of realistic concerns. Self doubt tells you that you are not prepared for what's to come, which stops a lot of people from being successful.

Think about the experiences you have done, the people who have praised your character and your work, the opportunities and good things that have come, and write them down. They are seriously your protection against doubt for the simple fact that whenever you begin to doubt yourself, future, relationships, anything,... you can look back on it and know that you are MORE than prepared and ready for what is in store.

Reading that was truly eye opening, and it helped me to be more aware of self doubt and taught me that it can be turned off. Thats the thing about doubt; we can control it; it's kind of the evil within us. It's false, and its our enemy that can many times defeat us. Everyday, by being good, doing good, and working hard we are proving to ourself more and more just how amazing we are. We can't let the enemy of doubt take away all that we have worked soo hard to prove not only to ourselves, but to others.


I hope this has inspired you as much it has me.

check out the book .... "Think Confident. Be Confident"

What the future holds

this morning i woke up with a fulll blown headache. For the first time, i had deep rooted worries! ...my worries stem from the unknown. Not being able to visually engage in what my future will hold. Yes, we are promised things, we work hard for things, and our determination is there but how far can that take us!

I'm scared. I know GOD has my back, and perhaps I need to lean on him a little more than I have been recently. I've been in the mindset of leaning too much on me, and one person can't hold all the worries and stress. It will kill me! So today as i exfoliated (lol) and took a deep breathe i decided to put a lot in GOD's hands. I started the early process of getting myself acquainted with certain PR firms, tweeking my resume, and networking my butt off with amazing connects! As much as I am taking in, and completely knowing of my capabilities the streak of fear still vibrates throughout my insides! ...i truly believe that our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate but that we are powerful beyond measure. I know that is my deepest fear. Sometimes i get soo scared of being amazing (as crazy as that sounds), and most times i want to fight it. It's no surprise that every job I've ever had I have left an imprint and have been acknowledged for my hard work and character, but something deep inside of me is so fearful! I hate the unknown. Although it can be exciting, it can also be one of the most scariest things ever. Right now, i'm experiencing scary, but as i always say...emotions never last, and the excitment that I know i deserve and long for will come once everything works itself out.

I'm remaining prayerful, hopeful, and learning to lean on the Lord more. I never believed in using GOD as a crutch. He does for those who do for themselves, but I am taking action in trying to remain calm